Absolution
by myfreudianslip
Summary: Kanda can deal with a lot of things.


**Title**: Absolution  
**Rated**: M  
**Pairing**: AllenKanda  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own.  
**Summary**: Kanda can deal with a lot of things.

**-----**

Kanda can deal with a lot of things.

Like when Allen Walker pushes him hard into a dilapidated pillar, so hard that the knots in his lower spine shoot sharp, white complaints up to the corners of his eyes, and presses against him with the desperation of the dying. Then he leans in to lick a scorching trail from his collarbone to his jaw line, and Kanda forgets to protest.

What he can't deal with is Allen pulling back and giving him a clear view of his blood soaked clothes, cut chin, and pale, resolute eyes. It brings him back to his surroundings; to the crumbling walls, the recovered innocence, the stench of rancid viscera and the lives nearly lost.

This is when Allen is giving him a choice, and it makes panic coil with heat stirring in Kanda's abdomen.

*

Kanda believes that he has his life sorted out. There are his missions and his goals, and anybody who interferes is to be annihilated. Somewhere, at the back of his mind he knows that the world isn't really compartmentalized into the neat blocks of his perception, but all the same, he tries to keep complications as sparse as possible, for convenience's sake.

Conflicts and emotions are offsprings of naiveté, and frankly, Kanda Yu has no time for that bullshit.

So he can honestly deal with Allen scraping his untamed nails down his ribs, hip bones and thighs before taking Kanda into his mouth, hot, wet, and urgent.

What is not acceptable is Allen swallowing, licking his lips and then kissing the soft inside of Kanda's thigh, all the while holding his gaze, unyielding and gentle at the same time.

The problem is that even though he does his best to not let it show, it always takes an effort to look away.

Allen Walker makes Kanda's breath catch, and that in itself is an interference to his existence. Only, in this case, he has no idea how to annihilate it.

Most of the times, Kanda refuses to acknowledge this for it clearly defines conflict.

*

Allen Walker collects his scars like vulgar, disfiguring trophies. They etch across his body like stems in a vineyard, and Kanda wonders if he would be able to treat them with as little regard had they been marking his own skin, like too many ubiquitous reminders rooting him to the past.

Kanda traces them with his sword calloused fingers at times, not gently, but with a mission to erase them. So that he never has to see them. Minutes into the task he looks up to find Allen staring at him with something too raw in his solemn eyes, and he realizes with a jolt that he's letting himself go again.

To make up for it, he takes Allen a little too roughly these nights. He digs his fingernails into Allen's scalp and thrusts hard enough that he sees stars. When Allen comes, he forces himself to concentrate on the gray of his walls.

*

Fucking someone, Lavi says, brings the release, and making love brings the omnipresence.

Kanda does not make love to the Allen.

So he can't understand why his clothes smell of the idiot all the time, or why any touch to his hair reminds him of Allen raking his fingers through the strands, while biting softly into his collarbone. He can't understand why a dead finder invokes the fleeting image of Allen's soot and tear stained face, or why bean sprouts in goddamn soba makes him hesitate with his chopsticks frozen just an inch above the dish.

Kanda fights anything that tries to consume him except for his own beliefs, so he takes Mugen out to the training grounds to help clear his aching head.

The reflection of the skies upon the steel of his blade mocks him with the blue of Allen Walker's eyes.

*

Allen speaks the language of thank_ yous_ and _I'm afraids_, each word washed in easy, comfortable courtesy.

Kanda hates it and he hates Allen's reassuring smile in midst of bloody skies, earthy sweat and death.

Kanda hates lies, and so he sucks almost savagely at the pulse point in Allen's throat. He does it till Allen moans, a breathy, keening noise, and says, '_Fuck_, Kanda.'

It's as honest a sound as he can hope to tear from the typically civil mouth.

Later it occurs to him that maybe he shouldn't be trying so hard to peel the layers that make up Allen Walker.

First, because he shouldn't care.

Second, because he doesn't know if he'll recognize what lies at the core.

But all the same, he takes a guilty kind of pleasure in the moments that he has Allen writhing beneath him and whispering broken obscenities into his shoulder, because even though he really, really doesn't care, it's a sort of breather to finally find unconventionality with someone you've been fucking for months now. Not that he'll ever admit it.

Sometimes, though, his satisfaction probably shows, because Allen decides that screwing the living daylights out of each other is also an invitation to _eat_ together, so he settles his mountain of food next to Kanda's tray, and without any kind of permission, steals his last piece of toast.

*

Allen Walker is a manipulative bitch who claws his way into everyone's heart, and Kanda refuses to fall victim to that kind of scheme.

So he ignores the lingering scent of Allen's shampoo on his sheets, the softness of the pliant, sated body wrapped around his, and the terrified noises he makes in his sleep.

And he makes sure that his face is either settled into an expression of mild irritation, or is a study in supreme indifference when Allen straddles his lap, places a firm hand at the back of his neck, just below the base of the skull, and ducks his head, eyes glinting deviousness, to nip sharply at Kanda's earlobe.

Kanda can deal with a lot of things.

But he can't deal with situations which run out of hand, so he draws Mugen in one swift, fluid motion and relieves Allen of all his clothes so that they can hurry the _fuck_ up already.

When Allen chuckles, deep and amused, he bites him.

*

**The End**

**Author's note**: My first experiment with Dgm. Feedback is always appreciated :).


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